Mad Drunken Monkey Mind

Last evening I sat on my balcony finishing a book and smoking a cigar. It is my monthly vice and something I look forward to while the weather is still nice. Generally I read some type of revolutionary material, lately it has been Chè but yesterday I had a book I needed to finish so I read that. The sun was going down so I was really puffing on that cigar and it left me feeling ill all day today. I generally take about two to three hours reading, puffing and babysitting a glass of red wine but again I was trying to rush and boy, am I suffering for it today. In addition to having no energy I am suffering from “mad drunken monkey mind” which isn’t helping at all.

This morning my meditation time was hard to get through. First of all it was a struggle to get up at 4:00 a.m. and stay up. Monday is always a little hard because I tend to stay up a little later and sleep in a little later as well on weekends so it can be like being thrown into a cold shower sometimes. I did get through the sitting but dozed off a few times and couldn’t really gain any concentration. I did however gently transition into mindfulness meditation to watch this frame of mind jump all over the place. It was really like a wild animal trapped inside my head! I went back to bed and slightly begged my fiancé if we could take the day off from the gym because I was not feeling well and thankfully she agreed.

As the day has gone on I have given a great deal of thought to a few things. First has been developing kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity or as they are collectively known, the Four Divine Abodes. Lately I have become more aware and willing to strive to be harmless in all my interactions and communications with people and especially those closest to me. For most of my life I have had the tendency to be quite manipulative and have a way of making myself look better by making others look bad. I certainly take advantage of this if I know one side does not particularly like the other. I am determined to be mindful of this behavior and to put a stop to it.

Today’s field trip with the Mad Drunken Monkey mind has also given me the opportunity to better understand how concentration and mindfulness can transition into each other given the proper conditions. So if my mind is jumping all over the place and I am unable to gain concentration on breathing I can use my frame of mind as a subject of meditation if you will. Where is the mind going and where has it been? Has it been in the past or the future and what kind of feelings am I experiencing in the process? This brings me to the other interesting point I spent time contemplating. Just how many minds do I have anyway? Conventional wisdom would perhaps say one mind but my experience says there is possibly one mind that is getting bombarded by faster than light thoughts or even two or three minds or even more which in some cases are able to stand back and observe other minds. (Ultimately from the sense of non self I don’t have nor own anything, there is just mind and the conditions that produce the phenomena of mind but no “mind that is mine”).

I recall hearing someone ask Bhante G the question about what is it that observes the mind and his response was “mind observes mind”. Certainly this mind that rises and falls with boggling rapidity is capable of so much more than I have been “mindful” of in the past.
Finally, this experience today got me thinking more about one of the steps in the Noble Eightfold Path called Right Effort. It reads:

“Here (in this teaching), bhikkhus, a bhikkhu generates an intention, makes effort, rouses energy, applies his mind, and strives ardently to prevent the arising of evil, unwholesome states of mind that have not yet arisen.

He generates an intention, makes effort, rouses energy, applies his mind, and strives ardently to abandon evil, unwholesome states of mind that have arisen.
He generates an intention, makes effort, rouses energy, applies his mind, and strives ardently to attain wholesome states of mind that have not yet arisen.

He generates an intention, makes effort, rouses energy, applies his mind, and strives ardently to maintain the wholesome states of mind that have arisen, to prevent their lapsing, to increase them, to cause them to grow, and to completely develop them. This, bhikkhus, is called Right Effort.”

In the moments when I find myself day dreaming or ego and castle building I can practice Right Effort. Of course Right Effort can and should be practiced at all times but it’s these aimless mind wanderings that make me think about this step of Right Effort and how beneficial it is. So much of my time is spent generating subconscious and conscious karmic volition. Even while I am working my mind can be off somewhere creating scenarios where I am setting my boss straight or humiliating someone with my sharp wit or being the most handsome guy in the room. So many times I am off in an alternate reality building my ego and hurting people in the process that these rouge thoughts and wanderings become the behavior I express to people. The Bible and the Buddha both say “as a man thinks so is he.”

So Right Effort is a great cure for this problem of telling myself stories I want to here and putting endings to them where I am always the hero, always the winner and the survivor. Do you experience any of this too? Right Effort is not simply telling myself better or more acceptable stories but instead being mindful of the frame of mind I want to develop.

Mad Drunken Monkey Mind is not some Kung Fu fighting style it is a state of mind that needs to be observed in a detached manner with mindfulness. It is mindfulness that leads to insight as to the nature of this ever rising and dissolving phenomenon I perceive as a self.
I have to say that I have also gained a slightly better understanding and appreciation of how the physical state can upset a tranquil mind. That cigar left my body in a state of morbidity and my mind felt the consequences. The good thing about the mind is that you don’t have to wait long before a new one comes along.

May you be well, happy and peaceful!