Free Yourself!

Slowly I am coming to better understand what it means to be my own refuge. In a world that is so chaotic and where I am so vulnerable and helpless the idea of me being my only hope for enlightenment can be frightening to say the least. With all my weaknesses and faults It can be hard not to sink into despair, for if my spiritual deliverance is to be self realized I hardly have anything good to work with to make such a journey. However, looking at the great gains I have made in spite of my perceived frailties I am empowered that it can happen; that I can free myself; That salvation is just around the corner.

The Buddha says the following:
"And thus O monks, have you long undergone suffering, undergone torment, undergone misfortune, and filled the grave yard full verily, long enough to be dissatisfied with all the forms of existence, long enough to turn away and free yourselves from them all."

I can personally say that as each day passes I "grow more dissatisfied with all forms of existence". Giving up on salvation is not an option because the result will just be the same cycle of suffering. I have to strive, strive, strive.

Living the house holders life is difficult and it is hard to make spiritual development a priority. The only quiet time that I get alone to practice meditation is early in the morning or late at night. Unfortunately I don't like to stay up late and it is hard getting up early! However, these are obstacles that I can overcome, I just have to want it bad enough and to be patient and understand that no matter how bad I want to attain enlightenment it may not even happen in this life time! However, I have to press on as if it were just around the corner; calling out to me to be free.