Carving a path

I am doing it. I am getting there. Slowly deliberately but confidently and with great faith I am moving forward. I am training myself. I am starting to better understand the things that make me what I am.

I am progressing along the path and I grow more determined to continue. I am methodically pressing forward and my happiness increases. When trying to describe meditation I lack the language to describe the experience. For most of my life I have run from reality and embraced fantasy. Now it is the reverse and in reality, just the few glimpses I have been fortunate to grasp, has offered far more promise, hope, and wonder than anything fantasy could ever hope to give.

The more I understand the true nature of existence the more I see how boundless my potential is. The slow deconstruction of the mythical ego is making things I never thought possible a reality. I can be free. Finally I can be free from greed, hatred, delusion and ultimately ignorance. When it will happen I do not know but it will happen I know it. I am on the path and there is no doubt in my mind I will arrive.

Losing my Non Self

I have been stalled as of late. I am in a mental rut and I have not had the energy to meditate lately. I have had some significant life changes that have brought me great worldly happiness but in addition to the temporary happiness I have become spiritually complaisant.

I am so blessed and fortunate in my life but I have to remember that all conditioned things are impermanent, involve suffering and are without a self. I am losing my non self and I am trying to stay mindful of the fact nothing, even the bliss and heavenly state I have been in for the past month is permanent. I have to let the experience be what it is without becoming attached and the only real way to accomplish this is to gain insight through meditation.

This probably doesn't make much sense because I am being so vague. So let me be a little clearer.The new year has already brought financial and personal improvements in my life. The greatest thing is that I am one month away from being engaged and this has made me extremely happy. I have been reborn in a heavenly realm and I am lost in the bliss of this state. It will not last forever but I have to say it is the first time in my life things have been so good. I have to keep things in perspective, I have to understand that conditions come and go.

At any rate I have to get back on the cushion.

Wish me well.

The danger of guilt

Guilt is something we all deal with. We are all prone to be unreasonably hard on ourselves which can in many cases be self destructive and hurt spiritual progress. I am learning to find a balance between what is legitimate guilt and and what will keep me from actually progressing along the spiritual path. It's ok for me to feel bad about immoral actions but that guilt should not make me feel as if I can no longer progress along the spiritual path.