Catching it Now and not later

I had a situation last night where I was very upset. Angry thoughts raced through my mind like race cars. I entertained them and dwelt on them until I was almost ready to explode. I caught myself and for a moment noticed what was happening to me. However, the emotions had gathered so much momentum and I was so carried away by my hateful thoughts and desires the last thing I wanted to do was be mindful and calm, instead there was indulging and imagining what I would say, how I would say it and I assured myself if challenged I would win.

I retreated and locked myself in a room knowing I was in no shape to talk to anyone without saying something I would regret. If I even came close to saying what I was thinking It had the potential to cause permanent damage to any relationship.

After a while I replayed all the events in my mind and better understood what happened and was better able to see how these angry thoughts and feelings effected me. In the future I need to fight to be more in the present moment instead of reflecting after the fact. I need to not only see what is happening while it is happening but learn to let it take its course without being affected by it. The New Testament says that believer are to be in the world but not of the world. The Buddha says we are to be the spoon in the curry pot. The spoon is in the curry but does not keep the taste of it.

This is Certainly easier said than done, but I have to start being more aggressive in my mediation on the cushion and how I apply that insight in my daily life.